The Obama Mandate that Jewish Families buy Pork

Once upon a time in a kingdom far, far away, there was a wise king named Barack Obama. He was a very fair minded man who thought all of his humble subjects should be treated exactly the same.

One year when the kingdom's pork industry had fallen on hard times, King Barack agreed to help them out. He decreed that every family in the kingdom be required to buy a supply of pork every month.

In other years when such a decree was made, there had been a provision that Jewish families be exempt. Their religion required that they keep kosher, and pork was forbidden, non-kosher food. Trafe.

But King Barack thought that being fair meant treating every subject exactly the same. He wouldn't let women get maternity leaves unless men got them too. So he wouldn't let Jewish families be any exception to his rule.

The heads of the kingdom's Jewish families came to King Barack. They pleaded that their faith forbade that they should eat such a thing as pork.

Wise King Barack told them that this was not so. They personally did not have to eat the pork. They just had to buy it, make their wives cook it, and feed it to their children. It wouldn't be fair for Jewish children to be denied access to pork dinners, would it?

The Jewish fathers objected. Their children did have access to pork dinners. Sometimes the Jewish children bought the pork dinners for themselves from a restaurant. And if the children were poor, there were charitable organizations that provided free pork dinners for all. There were even government organizations that did the same.

King Barack shook his head. Children must not be treated differently just because they happened to reside in a Jewish home. They must have access to pork dinners at home, lest some child somewhere not have a pork dinner at all.

The Jewish fathers went home angry, and spread their tale all over the kingdom. Most people agreed that the Jewish religion might be permitted to survive. But pork dinners?

“I don't see anything wrong with eating pork dinners,” said a woman. “Except during Lent of course, and on Fridays.”

“Yes,” said a man. “Pork dinners are not evil, they are a wonderful thing. Where would our sad old world be without pork dinners?”
And many people began to agree with this and decided not to petition the king to reverse his decree where the Jewish families were concerned.

But one old man spoke out. “I don't keep kosher myself,” he said. “I don't see the use of it, being a Christian. But if the Jewish families are ordered to violate their faith--- silly as that faith might be--- what about us? What if some future king decided that we need to violate our faith? Or that those of us who don't have a faith be required to acquire one?”

But the people scoffed. “Just because they come for the Jews doesn't mean they will ever come for us,” said a man. And all over the kingdom, people decided the same way. The king's decree stood, and life went on as normal. Unless you were Jewish.

Twenty years later a new king arose and passed a degree that every church, synagogue and temple in the kingdom hire a man specially trained in scientific atheism and sexual versatility as their new head clergyman.

People went to the courts for relief, but the judges looked to precedent and found the decree of King Barack. “There is nothing to be done,” they said.

Most religious groups refused to comply with the new king's decree. The new king burned down every church, synagogue and temple that did not follow the new law. And somewhere up in heaven, an old man said, “I told you so.”

This story is a work of fiction. Any resemblance between characters in the story and real Barack Obamas is a coincidence. Really.

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