My Nano novel isn't failing badly enough.... yet

My nano novel Bakoun has been stalled for some time, as readers can see from my lack-of-progress meter. But that level of failure isn't good enough. If I'm going to fail, I want to do a good job of it! So I have the following plans:

1. Everything I have written so far is to be junked. Yes, there is a character or two I can keep--- well, one character, anyway. But all the actual word count is to be zeroed.

2. I'm changing the time in which the story is set. Well, actually, the story starts in the Victorian era and then goes to 1984, 1994, 2004 and so on until the actual near-future invasion starts. I'm thinking of setting the whole thing in the Victorian and or Edwardian era.

3. The setting gives me the chance to go all steampunky. Though anything I write could never be true steampunk. According to my sources (random internet sites) steampunk has to be correctly punk by being in rebellion against a prescribed list of things. I never rebel against the correct things in the correct manner.

4. My new plans require me to write up a brief timeline of Esperanto history, and of the eugenics/euthanasia movement. There are lots of cool quotes about the need for 'lethal chambers' which I can work in.

5. Another research requirement: I must throw together an outline of an alien invasion novel (Worldwar: In the Balance) so that I can see how a real writer handles a global story with multiple groups of characters, including alien ones.

6. The Korean characters I was planning to introduce will now be living in the American West, and running a Chinese restaurant (which serves Korean food, since Americans of the time can't tell the difference.)

7. There will be a boy named Alf from Linz, Austria who might be Hitler. There is a man who may be a time traveler who wants to kill him.

8. There will be robots. Big ones. And steampunky computers. Perhaps the result of alien technology being leaked? Perhaps also a steampunky 'blood-reader' machine that scans DNA?

9. Given these plans, by the end of NaNoWriMo, my word count should be around zero. Is it too early to think about National Novel Finishing Month???

Happy Birthday to Who?

Amanda Borenstadt shared this with me on my birthday yesterday. The Doctor and Weird Al--- totally the best present I got! Way better than the mammogram that my new doctor's office inflicted on me on the day (that's why you should never get poor, they schedule your appointments without asking you and then get huffy when you say you have plans....)

How to write a fantasy/sci-fi series: types of series

Most sci-fi and fantasy writers don't write just stand-alone books, but series. Readers, writers and publishers all tend to prefer them. Publishers like them because each book in the series after the first already has a built-in audience. Writers may like the fact that they can re-use the world-building work from the first book in the others in the series. And readers enjoy reading about familiar worlds and/or characters.

Some series aren't planned as series. Marion Zimmer Bradley at first thought it was a sign of laziness when she set a second novel in Darkover rather than inventing a new world. In other cases the author has planned all the books in the series before the first one is even written.

If you have read a lot of series, you may have noticed they come in different types. In order to plan your own series, you will need to know which type yours might be.

1. One Big Book series--- like Lord of the Rings, this series comes out in several volumes merely because it is too long to fit easily in one volume.Except for the length is is the same as an ordinary one-volume novel.


2. Overarching Story plus smaller stories --- similar to the Harry Potter series. There is an overarching story about the conflict between Harry and You-Know-Who, plus each book has a story which comes to a conclusion by the end of the book. When the overarching story ends, the series is over. But the smaller plots to each book give the reader the feeling that they've read a story which has a conclusion.


3. Cliffhanger series--- Each volume has a story which is concluded in the book, but the individual book ends with a cliffhanger--- a dilemma which won't be resolved til the next book. This can be unpopular with readers, however. This type of series is open-ended and can continue as long as writer and readers are interested.


4. Episodic series, same main characters--- Think of the Sherlock Holmes stories. The mystery in each story is different and unconnected, but the main characters are always present in each novel. Another open-ended type. In some series of this type, the main character undergoes little change throughout the series. In others, the main character will age, change jobs, move to different cities, marry, have children and grandchildren, and other realistic touches.


5. Episodic series, main character group--- This is a variation in which there is a group of main characters. Each novel will have main characters from this group, but different novels will have different main characters, but always drawn from the set. Piers Anthony's Xanth series, at least in the novels I've read, worked that way. The main character in one book was the son of the main character in the first book, for example. In this series form, the main character from one book will turn up as a minor character in another.


6. Episodic series, same world/setting--- Marion Zimmer Bradley's Darkover works like this, as does Mercedes Lackey's Velgarth/Valdemar series. The same fantasy and science fictional world is always featured in books in the series, but some books may be set in different time periods with an all-new set of characters. In this type, there may be mini-series within the series--- three books featuring the same characters, for example.

Each of the different series types has its own appeal. As a writer, some may seem better than others to you. For an unpublished writer who is aiming at working with a mainstream royalty publisher only, the first two types may not be a good bet as you will be asking the publisher to stick with you through a whole series--- something he will not want to do if the first book sells poorly. Better to start out with something more open-ended for your first effort. (If you are going the self-publishing route, you can please yourself--- but be sure you are really willing to stick with a story in several volumes even with little reader interest before you commit to types 1 or 2.)

When I started my own series Taliesin, I was actually inspired by a mystery series rather than a fantasy, Anne Perry's William Monk series. That series featured William Monk, an amnesiac police detective, and a woman he meets in the first volume who assists him in his later cases. This gave me the idea of a supernatural fantasy series featuring a vampire and a girl with Dissociative Identity Disorder who together get involved with a series of unfortunate supernatural events in a series of novels.

Free software for organizing your novel

My project for today was to get together a method to organize my current web novel, Taliesin: Vampire Dreams. I was googling around for something on the Snowflake method and instead I found an article which gave links to free software for organizing your novel. There are 3 different free software options given.

Storybook: Open Source Novel Writing Software for Novelists, Authors and Creative Writers --- tried this. They are really big on trying to sell you the paid version, which is the only version that lets you export and print out the outline you create with it. I'm not sure the free version is all that useful if you can't print out your work.

yWriter: Free novel writing software to help you write a book. Very good software and it really is free, not just a demo.

PageFour: Novel writing software - software for creative writers --- includes a tabbed word processor and outliner This is actually just a demo of the paid version and has restrictions.

After looking all three over I've decided to download Storybook and use it to organize Taliesin and perhaps my other writing. I'm not sure if it will help--- or if anything will help. Being disorganized is my worst failing as a writer. I'd love to hear from other writers who've tried one of these free resources--- has it helped your writing?

NOTE: there is software for the Snowflake Method, but it costs $100, which is $100 more than I can spare this month or any month of the foreseeable future. Besides which I thought the free software, being of more general interest, was worth a mention. But if you have the money and like the snowflake method, you might consider getting that software.

New Catholic Flash Fiction site

There is a new web site/blog for Catholic flash fiction.

What's flash fiction? Like this blog post, only fictional.

Apostrophe Atrocities

"John has three cat's, a mother cat and it's babie's. One of the kitten's is real cute but the other ones face looks like the hind end of an as's."

This is an all too common example of apostrophe atrocity. As a peaceful prolife Christian, I think people who write like this should be killed. With wood chippers.

Well, that might be a _bit_ harsh. But there is no excuse for anyone who is an aspiring writer to write like this. Not even in an email or Facebook post. Not even if you are dyslexic or don't speak English or just had your brain eaten by a zombie.

If you think you may have committed an apostrophe atrocity, get thee to the English grammar confessional at once. Your penance will involve an intimate encounter with the first page of your Strunk and White.

Strunk and White? That's short for 'The Elements of Style' by William Strunk and E. B. White. Every household that doesn't have a copy wedged next to the other household essentials (The Bible, Webster's Dictionary, The Catechism of the Catholic Church (or your denominational equivalent), and The Star Trek Concordance by Bjo Trimble) is probably inhabited by sister-marrying illiterate hillbillies, rather than the literate cousin-marrying hillbilly type that most of us strive for.

Correct version of above sentence: "John has three cats, a mother and its babies. One of the kittens is real cute but the other one's face looks like the hind end of an ass."

And now, for no apparent reason, a picture with cats.

Author Holly Lisle's gone Indie

Holly Lisle, author of 32 sci-fi and fantasy books, has announced she is quitting Big Publishing to go indie.

This will without doubt be a success for her, as her blog has a large following and she's been self-publishing her non-fiction for a while now.  But I think it will also be a good thing for all indie authors as it will bring more attention to the fact that indie publishing today is quite different than the old school vanity presses.

I remember years ago reading the author Laurence Block's advice to young writers. He said that in his early years, writers got started writing short stories for the many paying markets that then existed. He said that though the publishing world had changed since then, young writers would continue to find venues in which to serve out a writing apprenticeship.

Publishing has changed again. Now the unpublished writer will be serving out his apprenticeship in the world of blogging and indie publishing--- perhaps publishing early novels and short stories through Smashwords, or novels in real-book form through Lulu.com--- both free options. A blog, I believe, is essential for such an indie writer. It provides proof to the potential reader of your book that you are indeed able to write the English language without a net. It also provides immediate feedback.

I have reasons that have nothing to do with writing that make it essential that I be an indie writer. I have one poetry book out, Where the Opium Cactus Grows, which is published by Lulu.com. I had said I was going to publish most or all of the poems from the book on this blog. I still intend to do that, and I also want to provide at least most of 'Opium Cactus' as a free ebook through Smashwords.

I also have my new web fiction novel Taliesin, and may be publishing some short fiction on this blog and/or in ebook form.

Through my blog and related activities I've had the opportunity to meet other indie authors such as:
Amanda Borenstadt: Syzygy
Tracy Krauss: And The Beat Goes On
Michael Anthony Lee: Horker's Law (The Six Books of Magic)

One advantage of indie publishing is that you can create your own little niche-genre, and that actually will help you out in gaining a readership. Christian science fiction, especially that with hard science fiction elements, is not welcomed at major Christian publishers (or secular SF ones), but is a natural for indie publishing.

One thing you can do to help your indie writer friends is to purchase/download your indie fiction from Amazon.com. This helps the book climb in sales on that site. Reviewing and tagging indie books is also a mitzvah you can do for your indie writer friends.

Writers: How important is character naming to you?

Over at Faithwriters there is an excellent article called Seven Tips for Naming Characters. It set me to thinking about how character naming is more important to some writers than to others.

I'm sure there are some writers that could just pluck a name at random from a name book and use it for a character--- if they came up with 'Carol' that would be just as good as any other name and they'd have no problem with it.

Other writers agonize. I have one character who commonly goes by the name 'Mina Bayern'. Some time ago I came up with the absolute perfect name for her actual family name (which is also the name of her House, a clan-like grouping). But I don't know where (or if) I wrote it down and it's driving me crazy and I can't just pick another name because it won't be the right one.

Because of this name-obsessiveness I collect a lot of name books. I have one or two ordinary baby name books, 2 baby name books in German, a book of Esperanto names, and a book of Celtic names. I also have an encyclopedia of the Saints. I also have a hand-written list of Korean names gleaned from Korean dramas over the last 4 years.

Some writers have a real talent for coming up with appropriate names. J. K. Rowling comes to mind. Think of the names of Hagrid, Dumbledore, Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks, or Lord Voldemort. Aren't they just-right names for the characters?

Romance novels tend to have romance-y names for the heroine and her love-object. Some realistic writers make a point of using the most commonplace names they can find, one almost might think they derive the names from common-name lists. Science fiction names can include the weird, the unpronounceable and the randomly hyphenated. (like F'nor in Dra'gonride'rs of P'ern)

It's also possible to use temporary names for minor characters--- like Mr. Alpha, Miss Beta, Senator Gamma--- to keep the flow of your writing going rather than stopping for an hour to name them.

So--- how do YOU handle the name thing? How important is the just-right name to you? Do you have naming methods that you use? Please let us know in a comment!

A NAME GAME:
Here are eight Korean female names: Namju, Haebi, Dohui, Chunja, Boksun, Sunok, Juri, Sojin
From these, pick the names of:
1. a young main character from a poor family, who loves a rich boy, Taemin
2. an older woman at the market who sells dumplings
3. the maid of the rich family
4. a hateful over-the-top female villain (think Bellatrix from Harry Potter)


What do people want from this blog? According to this blog's stats, what people are looking for on this blog is mainly Billie Piper pregnant (all time most popular search terms), David Tennant naked, and Torchwood Miracle Day nudity. Just in case you were curious.

Holignes! I lost my notebook of cool word verification words!

When I am writing and a new character, place, or alien species pops up, I often take out a small notebook of word verification words I've encountered, and pick one more-or-less at random.

It's better for my writing than stopping the writing process to search for the perfect name for an hour and a half. And some of those word verification words are worth keeping in the final draft.

But today, alas, in between trading kittens around to different cat mommies and feeding a newborn kit milk with a spoon (she won't take a bottle), I discovered that my little word verification notebook is missing in action.

This is doubly tragic as I have started work on a writers' naming book. It will have a section on German names, one on Korean names, one on Welsh names, one on Esperanto names, and a list of word verification words as a source for alien and other odd names and words.

So--- I've had to start a new notebook. Luckily I have a spare one that's the same as the one I use for Korean names. I'm also going to start files on my computer and enter the WV words into that whenever I have a page or so. I already have similar files for Korean names.

But it's an ednesh lot of work, so if you have a cool WV word to share, mention it in your comment and it will be added to the list.

The Irresistably Sweet Blog Award

This blog is sweet? Really? I mean, I could understand winning an inconsistent blogger award, or a weird blogger award, or obnoxious off-topic ranting blogger award, or mentally challenged blogger award, but sweet?

I got this award from Amanda Borenstadt, author of the urban fantasy novel Syzygy, whose blog is A Fortnight of Mustard, which is the best condiment-titled blog of all time, easily beating out Catsup Dreams and Where's the Soy Sauce.

The Rules:

1. Thank and link to the person who nominated you.
2. Share 7 random facts about yourself.
3. Pass the award along to 8 deserving blog buddies.
4. Contact those buddies to congratulate them.



The one scary part is passing the award along. The last time I passed out an award, one of my awardees was Operation Counterstrike, who as it turned out was not available to pick up his award due to being in jail for the death threats he kept making (which were no surprise to his blog readers.) So now I'm puzzled--- do I try to find bloggers who WON'T get arrested to award them, or should I consider it a challenge to pick another potential trouble-maker? I'm torn....

SEVEN RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME:

1. My cats steal one another's kittens. In fact, that's how I found out my cat Psychokitty had given birth this year because I couldn't find one of Willow's three-week-old kittens which had been stolen by Psychokitty and stashed with her own newborns.
2. My favorite condiments are soy sauce and chocolate syrup. I put one or another on everything except communion wafers.
3. I swear too much. I had a dog who wouldn't come when called unless I said 'come [effing] here!'
4. In 1881 two loggers were lynched across the street from what became the site of my grandmother's house. (My brother lives in the house now.) My great-great-grandmother's cousin-in-law may have supplied the rope. [See Song of the McDonald Boys, my new blog, for more details.]
5. I have an unnatural obsession with ampersands. &&&&&&&
6. Mi amas lerni lingvoj, kiel Esperanto, Germana kaj Korea. (I love learning languages like Esperanto, German and Korean.)
7. I am totally in love with the following fictional characters: Angelique Collins from Dark Shadows, Pavel Chekov from Star Trek, Tracy Quartermaine from General Hospital, Niki Smith from One Life to Live, Romana from Doctor Who, Kes from Star Trek Voyager, Trance Gemini from Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda, Annie and George from Being Human, Thomas Kincade Brannigan from Doctor Who, Rose Tyler from Doctor Who, and the Racnoss Empress from Doctor Who (the sexy red spidery alien with all the eyes). Because fictional people are just cooler than boring old real people.
8. I'm smart enough to join the genius organization Mensa but I'm too smart to want to.

DESERVING BLOG BUDDIES WHO ARE NOT IN PRISON (YET)
1. Letters for George: I just discovered this blog which has a lot about local history in the town of Menominee, Michigan, among other things.
2. Happy Catholic: I added this blog to those I follow some time ago. Visit to find out why to boycott Nestle and what Saint Ambrose wants you to do when you're insulted (hint: it doesn't involve chainsaws.)
3. Bluegrass Pundit: conservative news, video and comment from the Bluegrass state. Visit the blog to find out which state that is, and to read about the complete and utter destruction of Al Gore.
4. Tracy Krauss-Expression Express, a blog by a Christian writer and artist who is author of My Mother the Man Eater and And the Beat Goes On....
5. Dragons in our Midst & Echoes from the Edge: how can you go wrong with a blog with an ampersand in the title? The blog by author Bryan Davis has a press release for his daughter's new book, do check it out.
6. WORD up! offers Bible study and book reviews.
7. Reviews from the Heart: a Christian blogger who does book and product reviews.
8. IT CAME FROM ALLEN'S BRAIN! Check out his job interview questions for the position of assistant. I particularly like #6:

06. I am capable of making:
__ Plutonium from common household items
__ Repairs and modifications to both atomic- and lightning-powered machinery
__ Flimsy excuses
__ Eleven different death-rays
__ Decent coffee
__ A mess

GETTING A BLOG AWARD IS TIME CONSUMING
I mean, I could have spent the time blogging about how Richard Nixon is one of my favorite Doctor Who companions, or providing proof that US President Barack Obama is the Doctor's arch-nemesis, The Master AKA Harry Saxon. Or doing laundry or returning stolen kittens to their real mamas or the mamas I want them to have. I guess that's why some bloggers don't accept these awards. But not me, I want all the awards I can get. Just because.

If YOU want all the awards you can get, add your name and blog address in a comment and I will add you to the list next time I get an award, or I will completely forget about you. One or the other.

Go ahead, write something shocking!

We are surrounded by a sea of bland, flavorless fiction, non-fiction, blog posts, bathroom wall graffiti.... The mucky waters of conventionality are rising and we will drown if we don't fight back.

How did we get to this point? Most of us learned to write in school. The purpose of a school is to homogenize us, to turn each of us from individuals into part of the school collective. *You Will Be Absorbed* says the school.

The school does the work so well that the child learns to rigidly conform even when proclaiming himself a non-conformist. All the non-conformists conform to a rigid non-conformist code.

As a result we are conditioned to see the bland and ordinary sentence as the safe and correct and grammatical sentence. And our readers drop with soft little thuds as they die from boredom.

So: write something shocking! Don't do what they expect you to do. Instead of 'she went to work as she did every day', write 'down! down! down! she fell, into a vat of melted lawn furniture'.

Don't write about some accountant who can't get the girl, write about the guy in purgatory who just found out Adolf Hitler is moving in to the purgatory-cabin next door. Write about the guy who sees fairies in the back garden--- then calls the exterminator.

If you are afraid to shock people with your writing, you may well end up seeing your writing coming to a screeching halt. After all, even if everything in your novel seems bland and inoffensive, something in it will offend somebody somewhere.

I am finding lately that my best writing in years is coming from a project that has an element in it that would shock the secular publishers silly, and another aspect that would put off Christian publishers as well.

Doing this is not safe. It's not practical. But at least it's not boring.

we kissed when I was 8 and he was 7....

...and now he's the Gay latino Elvis impersonator, El Vez. Maybe it's just as well I quit kissing boys...

Using Babelfish to write poetry

I have an unnatural obsession with machine translation. I have a great time using the various internet sites that provide computerized translation from one language to another, like Babelfish.

Since I am a person that actually knows about languages (during my Pagan days I translated a Pagan booklet from German into English) I know that computer translations usually suck. They are helpful if you already know the language you are translating into well enough to catch mistakes, but otherwise they can be trouble.

But while Babelfish and her sisters may not be able to solve the world language problem, they do have another use. They can write poetry.

You see, one day I was testing Babelfish to see how well it could translate into Korean. I know next to no Korean, so what I did was I wrote a test sentence: "My cat Claudius has a neurological disorder", translated it English-to-Korean with Babelfish, and then cut-and-pasted the resulting unknown Korean sentence into Babelfish and did a Korean-to-English translation.

This is what Babelfish spit out at me:

To my cat Claudius
there is a military force
at the nervous crane.

Who knew Babelfish could write a haiku? So, anyway, I slapped a title on it ('catpoem/claudius') and added it to my collection of poetry written. It is now included in Where the Opium Cactus Grows.

In this first case I liked what Babelfish did enough to keep it pretty much as it was, I just arranged it into three lines.

Most of the time Babelfish poetry is more work. You might have to run it through a couple of languages (Asian languages seem to work best), and pick-and-choose the best results and do a lot of rewrites. But it produces some pretty cool imagery and can help to fire up those creative juices on days when you just don't feel like writing anything.


Here is today's poetic rough draft:
1. (original sentence) The werewolf's girlfriend is now pregnant. When will the puppies be born?
2.(after translating into Korean & back) werewolf' s girl friends now are pregnancy. The pup when will be inherent?
3.(after translating 2 again into Korean & back) werewolf' s girl friends now are pregnancy. The pup of the case which will be characteristic?
4. (tranlation of 3 into Dutch and back) werewolf' s the little girl friends pregnancy now its. The young of the case which characterising will be?
5. (translated 4 into Japanese and back) werewolf' s now pregnancy of the friend of the girl. The young person when is the fact that it characterizes?
6. (translated 1 into Japanese and back) werewolf' The girl friend of s now becomes pregnant. Is the puppy when born?

1. (original sentence) How many puppies, how many? Only one, says the ultrasound machine. How odd, how very odd.
2. (1 translated to Korean and back) How many many pup, how many is many? 1 revealed the supersonic machine only. How many is odd, is quite odd and is how.
3. (1 translated to Chinese and back) How many puppies, how many? Only one, said the ultrasonic wave machine. How strange, how is strange.

These are the raw materials.

The werewolf's
little girl friend
now becomes pregnant.

The puppies of this case
when will they be inherent?
which will be the
characteristic?

How many many pup,
how many is many?
how many is odd
is quite odd
and is how.

the pregnant little girlfriend
and the wolf
will have one


Not really happy with that--- you don't get a military force at the nervous crane every day--- but will print it out and bury it in a file for awhile, then do some revision and reworking, add and subtract a bit.