Confessions of an 'Egotistical' Insecure Writer

A Hostile Critiquer

I've always known I have writing problems. My self-esteem is so low that I have a hard time getting any words out at all. Because if you don't write your stories down, no one can tell you they are dreck. I also give up on perfectly fine writing projects because I falsely believe they are no good at the moment, and then can't get back into them when I realize how wrong I was.

But until I was so informed by a self-appointed hostile critiquer, I didn't know I was egotistical about my writing. Egotistical because I won't post excerpts of my writing on his Facebook critique group for him to grind into dust. As he does everything I say in my own Facebook group which is NOT a critique group.

So, I'll own up to it. I'm egotistical. I have my own way of writing--- though I experiment with variations--- and one thing I am not is someone who can 'write by committee'. Some people are that way. They may need a critique group to look over every word and suggest changes before they can proceed. If they can't get a good critique group, they will settle for critiques from random internet strangers. I can't understand working like that, but if it works for them....

I have my own way. Perhaps it's because I have Asperger Syndrome. I write. I find my own mistakes. I fix them if I can. Sometimes I can't. I may know that a certain scene needs more bits of description, but I may have done as much as I can along that line at the moment. I work alone toward a goal that perhaps only I think of as worth pursuing.

I don't want 'critiques' or writing instruction from self-proclaimed-brilliant small-press writers. I probably couldn't process the input from a first-class critique properly, and critique from random sources of varying levels of expertise just doesn't seem worth dealing with, for me. And then there is always the problem of attracting someone who will crush my already-almost-non-existent self-esteem--- for my own good, of course.

What I want is something I can use: reactions. Feedback. I mean, I want to be able to share a bit of my writing and see how people react to it. For example, I shared the basic premise from my WIP 'On Tejas Trails', about a girl who uses an amulet to be transformed into a male guise, and I got some good feedback that mentioned some Shakespeare plays in which females pose as males. Great, that was something I will probably work into the story.

I also got a few people who said the story sounded interesting. Were they merely being kind to poor, autistic me? Maybe. But I took it as encouragement and it helps.

If you are also an insecure writer, I encourage you to be 'egotistical', like me. YOU are the one I might think, for example, that you really need to fix some 'as-you-know' dialogue in your first chapter. But maybe you are not yet ready to deal with that input right now.
writer who can best tell what kind of help you need right now.

Know what feedback you are looking for at this moment and very specifically ask for it. If you have specific issues that you plan to deal with later--- perhaps you are a poor speller--- mention that you don't want feedback in that area at this time. I mean, if your major concern is whether your relationship between Tristan the vampire and Isolde the dwarf is believable, 1000 comments on your spelling errors will just get in the way of getting the feedback you really want.

And do feel free, when someone ignores your specifications on the feedback you want and gives you a rundown of your spelling mistakes, to tell that person to go to hell. Even if it is me. YOU are the one who knows what you need, and what just makes you feel defeated. Don't be afraid to speak up for yourself.

But what if you are a writer who is really bad? Aren't you cutting yourself off from a chance to improve when you don't invite critiques from all comers? No. Let's face it, a lot of critique comments are useful only as comic relief. Some person has heard some obscure writing rule and demands that everyone bow down to it even when the rule is not only invalid, but bizarre. I knew a woman once who was dead set against the use of the word 'and'. Didn't have much problem with a string of 4 adjectives in a row, but hated that word 'and'. Trust me, your writing will not be harmed by ignoring critiques like that.

It will also not be harmed by not asking for critiques prematurely, or in areas you are not ready to deal with at this time. Maybe what you need most right now is just some encouragement to believe in yourself as a writer. Because if you keep trying, your writing will keep improving. Whether the hostile critiquers like it or not.



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5 Reasons Why As-You-Know Dialogue Doesn't Work

"As you know, my dear brother Edward Malloy," said Katterina, "in our world magic is real, and our magically gifted father, Andrew Malloy, is a skilled horse-talker. And I have inherited his skill."
"And as you know, my not-very-dear sister who is in fact only a step-sister," Edward replied, "I do not have any such magical gift, and since I am a nasty sort of man, that ticks me off."

Why doesn't that dialogue work? Well, I'm sure there are countless ways as I wrote it as an example of bad dialogue. But the chief flaw is something called 'as-you-know' dialogue.

Now, don't be mistaken. As-you-know dialogue doesn't need to have the words 'as you know' in it to be there, stinking up your Work-in-Progress. As-you-know dialogue is any dialogue in which one character tells another something they both already know. It's a device inexperienced writers sometimes use to fill in backstory and other information. But it doesn't work. Here are the reasons why.

Reason #1: As-you-know dialogue is unrealistic.
Think back to your real life. As a kid, did you ever come down and say to your mom, "Greetings, my 34-year-old German-American mother, married to my 33-year-old store manager father of Scottish extraction?" No. That would have been silly. Your mom already knew all that stuff--- heck, she's probably the one who told you. And in real life, we don't waste our breaths filling one another in on this stuff that we both know. Readers are very well aware of this, and are jolted out of the story by this misuse of dialogue.

Reason #2: As-you-know dialogue may be giving too much information.
Neophyte writers often feel that the reader needs tons of information about the backstory--- the history of the characters--- dumped in their laps as soon as possible. But the reader actually needs a lot less than you would think to understand the story. Giving information a small bit at a time rewards your reader for continuing to read. It's better than tossing it all out at once in the form of clumsy dialogue.

Reason #3: As-you-know dialogue hurts character development.
Your readers get to know your characters through two things: what they do and what they say. When you use dialogue clumsily for an info dump, you are saying that the characters involved are the type of people who chatter uselessly about things they both know. Is that really the direction you want to take your characters in? It's particularly fatal when you want to portray a character as the strong, silent type.

Reason #4: As-you-know dialogue is uninteresting. 
Normal dialogue is exciting to the reader because the characters are reacting to one another. In the sample dialogue above, if Katterina had been talking to a stranger, newly come across the barrier between her world and ours, the revelation about magic being real in the world would have been a surprise. We would have been curious to see the character's reaction to the surprise. But with two characters reciting things they both know, the only reaction they have to the information is ho-hum. Which leads the reader to regard this dialogue as the boring part, to be skipped over--- thus missing all that information you thought he needed to have.

Reason #5: Agents, editors and book reviewers react badly to as-you-know dialogue.
As-you-know dialogue is widely known as the mark of the beginning writer. When your book is being evaluated by the people that count, they will hit your patch of as-you-know dialogue and put your book down, rejected. They will write you off as a not-yet-ready-for-publication beginner.

Have you been using as-you-know dialogue? Check by asking yourself, at each patch of dialogue, why these characters are talking to one another--- what is their motivation to exchange words? Are they trading information, or expressing feelings? If the only reason you can find is because you, the writer, want to dump some information into the story, rewrite that passage. Dialogue is not the right way to do it.

Exercise: Find a book you like which has a lot of backstory and background that has to be given to the reader. Read through, notebook in hand, and write down the page numbers where bits of this information are given, and note down how they are given. This will make you more aware of how experienced writers give information to readers--- or withhold it.


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Indie Life: Aspie Writers & the 10-word Rule

Indie writers--- those who are self-publishing rather than seeing a traditional publisher--- have even more need than other writers to have a good, regular daily working schedule. There is no one standing over you to get your writing work done on time. You have to learn to do it for yourself.

If you are, in addition, an Aspie (Asperger Syndrome) writer, that gets double tough. The Aspie condition comes with this charming little function called 'executive function deficit'. It's kind of like having AD/HD. It means your writing life may be in a state of constant chaos. Chaos is not good if you want to get anything done!

And this is where the 10-word rule comes in: each day, when your designated writing time rolls around, you absolutely must dip in to your story and write a minimum of 10 words. You are allowed to take one day of rest per week--- it's in the Ten Commandments somewhere. But other than that, EVEN on days when you, for good reason, are not going to be even trying to fulfill your daily word count goal, you owe yourself 10 words.

Ten words! It's not so much. Even if you are not yet ready to start a new chapter, you may find a place here or there in a sparse paragraph which could benefit from a word or three of description.

And the magic of the ten word rule is when you are dipping in to your story for the ten words you absolutely must do, you seldom write JUST ten words. Yesterday I did over 600 words when I intended to do just the minimum. Since my word count goal was 926 per day, that was going a good way toward fulfilling my goal.

Being utterly strict about your ten words leads to a writer's blessing--- steady forward progress. Even if you have a whole bad month, if you do your ten word minimum, you are further ahead than when you started.

Plus, dipping into your story 6 days a week without fail keeps the project from growing stale, and then dying on the vine, as so often happens to a work of fiction that gets put aside for awhile.

Now, about that designated writing time: you need one. Yes, even if you are a wild and crazy Aspie who does things when the mood strikes and not on a schedule. A day--- yours, mine, anyone's--- needs a framework to it. When you were a child, your parents provided the framework in that there were set times for meals, for going to school/to do your homeschooling, to get up and to go to bed.... As a grown-up, you have fixed times depending on events like getting up, going to work, perhaps other things like watching the evening news--- these provide your framework.

If you look at yourself as a professional Indie writer, you must attach a designated writing time to your day's framework. In my own case, I find that unless I schedule things first thing in the morning, they don't get done. Once mid-morning rolls around, I've looked out the window and noticed the escaped sheep, or discovered I am out of kitchen garbage bags but not out of kitchen garbage, and my day's excitement has begun. Writing has to happen before this. If you are not a morning person, you may decide to write after you get home from work or school, or after the kids are in bed, or some other fixed point of your day. Whatever works for you. The exact time doesn't matter as much as the fact that you have scheduled one daily.

What is your own best writing time daily? Have you ever had to try shifting that time around? Do you think adopting the 10-word rule will help your writing?
 
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"The Indelibles will be hosting a monthly feature called INDIE LIFE. Modeled after Alex Cavanaugh's awesome Insecure Writer's Group, this will be a chance for indie authors to post about indie life, find each other, offer support, encouragement, news, helpful hints, and anything else that makes life as an indie author a little easier.

What is Indie Life?How: Sign up on the Linky at the bottom of this page here. When: Post on the second Wednesday of the month. What: Write anything indie related: something that will inspire or help a fellow indie; something that celebrates a release or a milestone; something that talks about the ups and downs, joys and heartaches of Being Indie. Grab: The banner above to include in your posts!"
 

Why Writers Need Sabbath Rest

I have been reading some how-to-write books by James Scott Bell lately, and when I made up my writing work sheet for the month, I took two pieces of advice from him. One was to set my word count goals on a weekly rather than a daily basis. And the other was to take one day each week as a day of rest--- in my case, as in his, the Christian Sabbath, which is Sunday.

On my work sheet, Sundays are in red. There is a column on my work sheet where I put stickers to indicate I've done at least SOME work that day. On the Sabbath, however, I earn the sticker by NOT writing, but resting.

Ideally I'd top off my day-of-rest Sabbath by going to Mass, but because of my Asperger Syndrome (autism spectrum disorder), that's not as common as I would like. Most Sunday mornings I just feel utter panic at the idea of going into a church filled with other people and having to behave for an hour. Some weeks I don't go at all, others I take in the Saturday afternoon Mass instead. Going to the Latin Mass might be ideal since fewer people are there, plus one of my Special Interests is languages so a Mass in Latin fits in with that. But that Mass is LONGER, and VERY early in the morning.

How did the resting go this past Sabbath? I think it was kind of a relief, to have one day where I don't either have to write, or have to feel guilty for not writing. And in this morning's writing session, despite interruptions by phone call and by a cat unplugging the computer, I got more word count in than I have previous working days this month.

A Sabbath rest is not just for writers who are people of faith, however. It's just human nature that we benefit from having a day off.

Plus, not writing on your day off reinforces the idea that writing is your job, not just an idle hobby you take up when the mood strikes. It's a way of telling yourself that you are, indeed, a professional writer, even if you have not yet been accepted by a traditional publisher.

Might you consider trying a  writing schedule which gave you a day off from writing each week? How to you feel about the idea? Have you ever tried such a schedule? How did that work out for you? Let us know in a comment.

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In Medias Res: Jumpin' Right on In

How do you begin a scene? How should I begin one? Say, for example, a scene from On Tejas Trails? There's this scene that shows the main character Katterina and her family members in the parlor of their ranch home, and the important thing that happens involves a magical amulet.

Now, I might think like this: So the family is in the parlor--- why? I guess Katterina's Pa decided to call the family together. How? Well, maybe he sent the housekeeper to each of them with the message. Yeah, he did that because he wants them together when he unwraps the amulet that just arrived. OK, so we show each family member where they are when they get the message, and then   going to the parlor, and then they sit down and exchange pleasantries, and then....

Actually, there is a better way. Begin in medias res. Or, jump right in to the middle of things. The family is there, in the parlor. Pa unwraps the amulet and puts it on a table. And the action begins. Katterina, who has a magical Gift, reaches for the amulet, while dull brother Edward fusses over her manners and her clothing which riles Katterina enough that she snatches the amulet and tries it on, and is transformed.... Well, let us just say that is where some excitement begins.

You see, the thing is, when we start out writing we have this impulse to start everything off at the beginning. With the character getting out of bed and brushing his teeth, or taking the subway, or putting a saddle on his horse (or his dragon) preparatory to an adventure.

But that's the boring stuff. The prosy stuff. Want to keep a reader's attention? Skip that stuff.

The next time you read a cracking good novel, slow down a bit. Pay attention to how the scenes start. Do they begin with the transitional and routine beginning stuff? Or do they jump right to where the action begins? Make a mental note. And go thou and do likewise.

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Free (for short time) Kindle Ebooks: A Pius Man & Autobiography of Billy the Kid

Act fast to pick up some free ebooks!

A Pius Man: A Holy Thriller by Declan Finn http://www.amazon.com/Pius-Man-Thriller-Trilogy-Volume/dp/1482553899    is free all FRIDAYS in MAY 2013. 

Description from Amazon.com: As the head of Vatican security, Giovanni Figlia must protect a new, African Pope who courts controversy every other day. The Pope's latest project is to make Pius XII, "Hitler's Pope," a saint. Things haven't gotten better since the Pope employed American mercenary Sean Ryan. Then a body fell onto the Vatican doorstep. Soon, a pattern emerges-- people who go into the Pius XII historical archives are dying. Each time, a priest has been in the background-- a priest close to the Pope. One of the victims was an al-Qaeda operative, drawing Scott "Mossad" Murphy of Israeli intelligence to Rome. Soon, Ryan, Murphy and Figlia must join forces to unravel the mystery around the Vatican, as even the man Giovanni is supposed to protect looks like a suspect. To get out of this alive, they must discover if Hitler's Pope was a Nazi collaborator, or a pious man.

The Autobiography of Billy the Kid by Ralph Estes http://www.amazon.com/The-Autobiography-Billy-Kid-ebook/dp/B009L7ZHOW    is free May 3rd through May 5th.

Description from Amazon.com: Everyone knows the saga of Billy the Kid. That story's been told, in an avalanche of books, songs, movies, TV programs. And yet - no one has given Billy's side. Until The Autobiography of Billy the Kid. Oh, there have been many claims that it wasn't Billy whom Pat Garrett shot in Pete Maxwell's darkened bedroom on July 14, 1881. But in fact it was. Billy just didn't die then. With the help of loyal friends he played dead, was "buried" long enough for Garrett to leave, nursed back to health, made his way to Wichita, and under the name of Henry Carter became a leading rancher until cancer laid him low. And now: Billy tells his own story. What were his feelings and fears, his pleasures and regrets? What really happened, not the media and the movies' and Garrett's exaggerations. Just as Billy, as he lay dying in a care center, told it to a young Ralph Estes in 1951.  This book also has some fine reviews, including one from a past president of Western Writers of America.

I have downloaded these books myself and they have prominent places on my to-be-read list. They will likely be reviewed on this blog. But for the sake of other folks who like free Kindle books, I thought I'd get the word out.

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Black Jack: Will Outlaw's Son Repeat Father's Fate? (Free Ebook)

Book: Black Jack
Author: Max Brand (Frederick Schiller Faust)
Genre: Western
Year Published: 1922
Horse's Name: El Sangre
Content Rating: G--- no sex or swearing
Stars: **** Very Good
Link for Free Ebook:  http://manybooks.net/titles/brandmaxetext06blkjk10.html

The book begins with the shooting death of an outlaw, witnessed by spinster ranch owner Elizabeth Cornish and her lazy younger brother Vance. The outlaw, Black Jack, left an orphaned infant son behind.

Vance Cornish, referring to the theory of eugenics popular when the book was written, predicted Black Jack's son would grow up to be just like his old man. Elizabeth not only believed the infant could be spared that fate if carefully reared, she decided to do so herself. Vance predicted the boy would shoot a man before age 25.

Jump forward to just before the boy Terry's 25th birthday. He is a fine young man and proud of the fine family that Elizabeth told him he came from--- he has no clue his real father was an outlaw. He has tamed a wild horse, El Sangre, and won much admiration for his courage and his sense of fair play.

But Vance, whose idle ways have lost him his share of the family ranch, is jealous when Elizabeth proposes to make Terry her heir. He arranges for Terry to learn the truth about his father--- and to be confronted with the man, now a sheriff, who shot Black Jack from ambush. Terry calls the sheriff out, and shoots him in an excruciatingly fair duel.

Terry must now leave the ranch in disgrace. He tries to find honest work, but when he is found out as Black Jack's son he is fired. Only the members of Black Jack's old gang have any interest in helping Terry.

Terry ends up hiring on for ranch work at the home/hideout of the current leader of Black Jack's gang. Here he is pulled closer into a life of crime, much to the dismay of the gang leader's pretty daughter.

The great question of the book is: Does a boy like Terry have any chance at all of leading a morally upright life? And can Terry resist the strong temptations posed by a life of crime when an honest life seems so difficult? Read the book to find out!

I believe this book would be of great interest to the Christian reader because of the moral dilemma at the heart of the story, and because of the lack of objectionable content. The YA reader would also be pleased as the hero, though older than the standard age 17, is youthful and just starting out in life.

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IWSG: Fear of Writing Failure

Insecure Writer's Support Group

It's the beginning of a new month, and the beginning of a new writing project for me. But for me that brings fear of failure. I all too often start a writing project with high hopes, only to fail to finish it. And as time goes by with more failures I keep asking myself, why would I ever begin to believe there will be a success?

And so I don't mention my WIP to anyone since deep down I'm sure that in seven days time the project will be abandoned. Forgotten.

But this month I've decided I DO believe in myself. I WILL talk about my WIP: It's called "On Tejas Trails" and it's a juvenile fiction (YA) novel set in a magical realm called 'Empire Tejas' which was settled largely by Texans and cowboys from our own world's Old West. So, yes, it's a mash-up of Western and Fantasy genres. Plus being Catholic fiction and dealing with the issue of same-sex attraction, and probably the issue of Asperger Syndrome as well.

My main character is seventeen-year-old Katterina Malloy, daughter of a rancher who has inherited the family gift of talking to horses (and other animals). She takes a talisman meant to turn a commonplace, soft man into a heroic man of the frontier. Wearing it, she is perceived as a man. Her much-older brother becomes angry and is determined to take the talisman from her and have her taken away to an asylum. Warned by her elderly father, she flees the ranch with some ranch hands and a strongbox full of treasure to start a new horse-breeding ranch on the farthest frontier, a task which she will begin by the taming of a legendary dapple-gray stallion. I don't have a name for the horse yet. Which is bad because the most important thing in a Western is to have a cool name for the horse.

I am going to be posting a small description of my WIP on my sidebar as a token of my decision to believe in myself and my WIP, if only for this month. It's kind of like giving up on self-doubt for a month--- like the time I gave up having Asperger Syndrome for Lent. (My therapist gave it back to me.)

Have you experienced writing failures and fear it happening again? Have you overcome it? Are you trying to?

This is what the stallion in 'On Tejas Trails' looks like. Maybe mane and tail are lighter or darker than in this picture, I haven't decided for sure. Have any good horse-names to suggest?

Setting Goals: May 2013 25000 Word PDF Worksheet

This May my writing goal is 25000. In other words, 1/2 the pace of NaNoWriMo. After reading a book by James Scott Bell, I've decided to NOT put a daily word count goal (which would be 926) but a weekly one. Also, I've decided to plan on taking Sundays off.

I made a worksheet for the month as I so often do. I made it in rather large print and with a space to put a small sticker next to each successful writing day. I then transformed it into PDF format so I could share it with people, and posted it with Google Drive. You should be able to download the PDF to your computer and print it out. https://docs.google.com/file/d/0ByKmSBhOQ1FSX21HTUkyeFFIelE/edit?usp=sharing

My word count goal this month was based on an event on the Facebook page The Writer's Whip, the 25K MAY WRITING CHALLENGE. Visit those links for more info. While you are at it you can visit my own new author page: Nissa Annakindt, writer, Aspie, cat person.